Music is what you want it to be...

Fire Inside

Nights out with friends are a way of letting your hair down, and letting all your inhibitions go.  Long weeks at work are forgotten, everyone is there to enjoy each other’s company, catch up, reminisce and make new memories, however they are sometimes also the most dangerous.

University was the first opportunity that I got to be fully in control of my actions and as a result I did what any eighteen year old would have…I let loose.  Finding my tolerance level took a long time, as any reasonably immature boy would…I thought I could handle it.  Hangovers never took hold, I was one of the lucky ones who was able to get up for lectures on 4 hours sleep and still with alcohol coursing through my veins.

As a result there are some nights which I think back to now and wish I could remember what actually went on, but then that is hindsight at its best.  There is something to be said for reflecting on the past, it helps you learn, build yourself into a better person, but it often makes you question what the hell you were thinking…I can tell you what you were thinking…You may have been young, naive or influenced by friends, drugs or alcohol, but at that very point it felt like the single best thing to do.

Humans make mistakes, but this is often because that is what they thought was right.  Everyone has a different sense of judgement, a level of morality, a knowledge of what is good and what is not and that is what makes us individuals. Sure it may not make us the best of people, but when those situations come up, we try to deal with them and move on.

My taste for going out and getting wasted has long gone…an example being when I went to a rugby tournament last week and after having four or five pints, I switched to Coke and water and even finished the evening with a coffee, to warm up after the sun had gone down.

What did I get for ordering that choice? Abuse.  Nothing excessive, just banter from drunken friends, but why is there such a culture that outcasts those who just want to stop. I am not saying that you shouldn’t let loose once in a while, but why is there a need for ‘things to get out of hand’ for the night to be consider ‘epic’. People can get hurt, not just physically, but emotionally, and often this can cut the deepest.  I learnt very early on in my teenage life that emotions are what keep us together, what relationships with friends, family and lovers are built on and what can so easily tear us apart.

It has something to do with my own level of morality.  I like to think I have strong morals… ‘do the right thing’, ‘personally fix things that you broke’, ‘try and think of the consequences before you do’.  Now these are not going to apply 100% of the time, as nobody is perfect, but I feel you should strive to do the right thing and if you can’t, then try and sort it out with as little collateral as possible.

People mature at different rates, and even though I think I can be very childish at times, I also know that I have moved into the next stage of my life.  Turning 26 this year felt like it carried a certain level of responsibility.  Not that I felt my early-20s didn’t, as you should always be looking a couple of years ahead at least, I just felt a change. Moving continents to start working in a new city is part of that, as I have some very real life choices to make, but then I had some when I was graduating at 21 and qualifying as a chartered accountant at 25…so why does it feel different? I’m not fully sure, but I know after the events of the last few weeks have cemented this thought as being the right one.

People (me included) can be blind to the side-effects.  Why don’t we take those few more seconds to think, before buying the drink that tips us over the edge?  Maybe that is what some want; not me.  I want to enjoy it and everything that goes with it, not end up in a painful heap the morning after, wishing I had drunk less and been more careful.  Taking risks is fine, the biggest risk I took has made me one of the happiest people alive, but don’t do it if you can’t face up to the consequences if it goes wrong.